Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
