How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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