Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
