I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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