I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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