Tell her she can't have a vagina
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
