So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
