is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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