dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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