kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
