what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
