I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
