New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
