Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
