I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
