I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
