its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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