Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
