I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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