i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
