all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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