I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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