He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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