They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
