a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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