Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
