I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
