Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
