so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
