Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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