Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
