i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
