so that wasnt chicken after all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
