Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
