in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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