i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can you bring me the toilet please
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
