I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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