Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
