So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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