The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
