Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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