Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
