I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
