you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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