That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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