My brain says no but my pants say off.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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