yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
