I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
