every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
