can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
