I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
